Fragile
by Miscreant's Barbwire
Summary: Faith kills herself. Buffy discovers a letter she left for her. poem. Chapter 6 up! Yes it is. CONTINUED ONLY BY REQUEST!
1. Buffy's Letter

**Buffy,**

I wrote this for you. I hope it explains why I did it and what it had to do with you.

_I can't help but stare in your blue eyes  
With only you in mine _

Those beautiful eyes that look past me  
And hold another

_I lie, and lie, you mean nothing to me  
But still lies don't come true  
Lies killing me to tell the truth_

_I've cried so hard wishing you were there  
I've cut so deep wishing you could care_

_Laying in a puddle of my sorrow  
The pain, the hallow loneliness never leaves  
Staring in the darkness all I see is you  
Still even when I'm right beside you  
you see through me_

_I shiver silently  
Hoping you'd come and protect me from the cold  
Wishing you'd hear my silent pleas  
You're only so close but still you push me away_

_I just can't help but love the way you sleep  
You seem so quiet, so fragile  
I just can't help but dream of you_

_Touching your hand  
Dreaming it was holding mine  
Demanding comfort from the heartless world_

_And I know I've betrayed you  
I know I've lied to you, but I swear it's true  
I can love I can care  
There are somethings I'd do anything for  
But right now I'd do anything for you _

I wish I could tell you  
I wish I could scream all the things inside me  
You won't leave me alone  
You can't see I'm suffering

Please just try to look in my eyes  
See all truths to me are lies  
I want you for once just to believe  
I don't want to lie I don't want to deceive

_Every night I'm in your arms  
Locked in an embrace of love  
But I wake  
And you're so far away  
Someone else lying in your arms_

Sorry, B, I know now we just weren't ment to be. And I also realised there isn't really any place for me. So I had to do it.

Love ya,

Faith.

Buffy dropped the letter and sobbed. "I love you, Faith."


	2. The Clock Keeps Ticking

**WARNING: Suicide scene. If you are or once were a cutter and you feel this might make you do it PLEASE STOP READING NOW. Not something to smile about... unless you find joy in other's sorrow. If so or if not I've brought you more by request so enjoy!**

My human name is Faith but I've not been human in so long. Even when I was I did not have nor inspire any kind of faith. I am the slayer, the chosen one. Except I have Buffy, too. And I did have Buffy. She was one I could call a friend. For a little while before I fucked everything up and broke the angel and her family. Too many sins have I commited to be mortal anymore. Because of this no mortal can kill me. How I longed so deeply for my love to finish the horror, but it seems I can't die by her hand. Fate is funny like that. God hates me. My shitty family has always hated me. Now the scoobies hate me and so dose Buffy. Because I am a horrid bitch from hell.

I can see so clearly now. I've tryed to find a place to call home. I've wanted so badly to find someone to protect and call my own. I thought I could have that with Buffy, but she didn't want me. She traded me for people I couldn't protect her from. But then I could never protect Buffy from myself.

Until now.

The blade feels oh so good. The pain, the blood. Just a little deeper, a little harder. Pull it out and do it again. The blood like unshead tears flowing from my arms. Buffy, I will be home soon. Soon I won't have to worry about you. You won't have to worry about little old Faith.

_No you don't understand, I don't care._

Finally, I'm as weak on the outside as I am inside. So very very weak. On my knees begging to the emptyness for forgivness. But even now I can feel the knife of your hate in my gut. You want this. I can hear you screaming at me, B. Telling me I am unworthy for your forgivness or friendship.

I am unworthy to walk among the sane. Face first in enough blood to drown in. I'm nearly gone. With the rythmic ticking of the clock I will soon be gone.

tick

_Sorry I used you Xander._

toc

_Sorry I tryed to take away your friend, Red._

tick

_Sorry I dissapointed you, G._

toc

_Sorry I could never treat you the way I wanted to, B._

tick

_Goodbye, friends. Goodbye, Sunnyhell._

toc

tick

toc

**Likable? Satisfing? Totally suck? Not sure if this is what you guys wanted but all reviews are much appreaciated. (sp?). I might add yet another chapter If the reviews tell me so. (Ideas are always welcomed with open arms and cookies!)**


	3. The Letter on The Tombstone

**A/N: Sorry guys. Been busy with school and stuff. VERY rusty so I need to know if I should redue this chapter.**

Willow walked along the trail among masses of head stones. It was a cool fall day, one week after Faith, the disturbed slayer, was finally laid to rest. The redhead hadn't even visited the slayer's burial site yet. She figured that even Faith deserved some last respects, though. Besides she wasn't busy today and Faith's grave was near Tara's. When she reached the grave of the psychotic slayer she noticed a white envalope sitting on the tombstone with a black rose tied to it with crimson red string. The witch would normally respect someone's privacy but this is FAITH and her curiousity just got the better of her. She carefully opened it so that she wouldn't rip it. It was a letter.

_You hurt everyone you ever met_

_Noone ever liked you_

_I loathe you with every ounce of my soul_

_Why is it that I cry for a lack of Faith?_

_Care, I do, and I want to die to be with you_

_But promises keep me locked here in hell_

_God, I want my Faith back!_

_As the clock tics away and my tears fade_

_I realize my sucide girl is gone_

_And there is noone to take her place_

_Noone is going to make it okay_

_You couldn't imagin how alone I feel_

_Those brown eyes were apart of me_

_And with a knife you cut away_

_The only real peice of me_

_I hope you're sleeping soundly_

_Six feet under below you grave stone_

_Wish you were here to hold me_

_Like we did in our dreams_

_Dreams are just dreams_

_And without hope they are dead_

_Killed my dreams and I ache now_

_How I long and scream inside_

_Beg and cry for you to return_

_I could give you something noone else had_

_But I killed you_

_God, Faith I'm so sorry. I love you with everything I have left and we will hold eachother one day. But for now, Goodnight, my love._

_Love for all eternity, Buffy._

Willow was shocked and so horriably sad all at one moment. She placed the letter back in the evalope, tied the black rose back in place with the crimson string. Faith had killed herself for Buffy because she loved Buffy. Buffy loved Faith, but only knew it too late to save the suffering girl from herself.Now it was just Buffy and her friends and she knew Buffy planed to never let her friends know. The red head placed the white envalope back the exact way it was before. She had never been there and Buffy would never know.

**A/N: I am reminding you that this Story is only being continued if you, the reader, tell me to keep going. Let me know what you want and what you think. Thanks so much!**


	4. Now She's Gone

**Author Note: Sorry guys this is really short but I am going through pure HELL right now. Let's just say I can relate to this story so much right now it's scary. **

I just sank down and cried. Just sobed for I don't know how long. I held the letter, my letter close to my chest. I was far too upset to move or speak but inside I was in pure agony. My thoughts screamed and whirled. 'FAITH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? What have I done? She loved me! God, I killed her.'

I greived for my fallen slayer. I wept for I knew I would never see her again. I felt her words, some of the last words she had ever said, sink in. Sink through that now crumpled peice of paper on my chest and into my hear and soul. My heart ached and my soul had morned uncontrolably.

I had began to calm finally after a few hours. My voice came back to me. "Oh, Faith. Faith, my love," I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "Faith, if only you had told me!" I closed my eyes again. If she had told me I would return the favor. I wouldn't have been afraid to admit the deep feelings that I had developed for the young slayer. I would tell her how much I loved her and how much I had longed for the touch of those soft hands. How I had longed to stare into those deep chocolate eyes and see happiness not sorrow. And how I had longed to brush my hands through that beautiful brunette hair. Just to be with Faith. That was all I wanted. But now she's gone.

Now she's gone.

I choked back another sob. Weakly, I managed to get to my feet and lay myself on my bed. The same bed that when I slept in she was there with me. Now though, she never will actually be there. I had dreams in this bed of being with her. Of kissing and cuddling and making love and just being with her. But now she's gone. Now she's gone and it's all my fault.

All my fault! I deserve to be the one dead! But no. I should live. I should suffer. Like I always have. Like I am now. This is my fate. Because I'm a fucking bitch. I'm the bad one. Faith wasn't.

Eventually I began to drift off into my own world of sleep. She had left my dreams as well as this hellish world.

**A/N: A VERY big thanks to each and everyone who has reviewed so far and a HUGE thanks to those who have done several times. This story will cease to continue if you don't review and tell me to. Besides, I need something to smile about. Oh, and happy holidays to all!**


	5. No Escape?

_These letters we write can do nothing to ease the pain. Our thoughts and feelings are out for the wind to take and scatter. Like pedles from a dogwood. And our hearts ached because we would never be together. And now our hearts have shattered because we will never see again. We will never see the beauty of love again. _

_Maybe our love, my dear, maybe it wasn't right. Maybe it was never ment to be. It seems now that whoever we allow to try to pick up the shattered peices of our hearts will only break it more. Our hearts are too fragile to be handled by another. We will run, in our own ways. We will run and hope we find eachother while we're running away. Running from pain and heading to anywhere. We'll meet eachother there._

Faith couldn't see or hear anymore. Her body was so numb with pain that she could barely feel. Tied up with something. It had bards sticking into her wrists and ankles. Her own blood was freezing her to -she was dead but every hour that went by it seemed she was dying in another horriable way. Only there was no end as peaceful as death. Faith is finally in her eternal home. She was in her own hell dimension and she was terrafied. The days that have gone by seem like years. The weeks that have gone by seem like centuries. There was no escape.

The demons that punished her tortured her for hours and hours. Any hell on earth was amplified during that torture. When they were done they left her in silence. The silence was the worst part. So much so that she begged to be tortured again. But they waited untill she began to ajust to the "peace". She was sitting in silence now. Dryed blood clogged her ears and her eyelids were swollen shut. It felt like nothing when they were gone. And it scared the slayer to the point that she forced herself to move. To cause pain from her sore body and the binds that held her tightly. If she could cry she would. If she could scream she would but all that came out was a ragged breath. Her screams had died long ago.

"Oh, Goddess. Faith."

How had she heard that voice and where had she heard it before? Was her mind playing tricks on her? The voice spoke again "I'll get you out of here"

In seconds she was somewhere else. A field. She could see. She could hear the wind blow. Her back laid on the grass as the sun soaked and warmed her cold body. Moving was too painful for she still had her wounds but she was so happy she silently laughed.

"I was hoping you'd like it here."

Faith looked up. It was a blonde woman with large, pure white wings patruding from her back and she wore a white robe. "Faith," the woman sighed, "I'm a messenger form... well from the opposite place you were just in. An angel, if you will."

Of course, an angel. Why would an angel save me from what I deserve. "No, you don't deserve a place like that. You were released early from the mortal world and while you were trying for redemption at that. What I am trying to say is Faith, will you go back to earth for a second chance at life?"

The dark slayer thought. If she didn't she went back to Hell. However, if she did she would be back in a world where no one loved her but she loved them. She weighed her options. Finally her mind was made up and she tried to speak.

"No, Faith. I can hear your thoughts and I already know what you wish."

She pointed straight behind Faith where there was a small stream. "Fallow that stream and it will take you back. I must be on my way now. You're strength will return when you have drank from the stream. Though it will do little if anything for the pain... I guess you can't reach the stream in that state. Here."

The angel cupped her hands and poured the water into Faith's mouth. Instantly her strenght was revived. But she was slow at getting to her feet for her body ached in extream agony. She would not fall back and rest though. This was her chance. Determinded the slayer began walking down by the crystal clear water. She turned around as she hear the angel speak to her one last time.

"Oh, and Faith, tell Willow I miss her."

**A/N: Review please! I'm not sure if I like this chapter. Maybe I souldn't bring Faith back or bring her back some other way? Anyway, I'd like to continue this story but I'd really love to say it's done already. It's up to ya'llweather I stop or keep going. **

**If I keep getting reviews this story will go on FOREVER. Doubt anyone's done that before.**


	6. Fallen Angels

_Wait_

_Promises are as empty_

_As a fuck is meaningless_

_There is no heart here_

_An angel couldfall_

_Farther than Lucifer himself_

_For the sky is open and free_

_Wonder if a fallen angel_

_Would end up here._

Buffy awoke with a gasp. She looked around trying to grasp her surroundings. Wet. Her clothes were wet, as well as other places. A dream, so very vivid, was the cause of this. A dream of Faith. An odd sensation had covered Buffy as her beathing hitched. The blonde slayer fought of tears and shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of the confusion. A shudder ran through her. 'Something's up.' Buffy rubbed her temples. 'But what?'

Faith gasped painfully, grunted, and wondered why her eyes weren't working. Where was she? Was she back in Hell? She lifted her arm and it hit wood. No, a coffin. It was actually frightening to think about, for some reason, that she was six feet under ground and in a thick wooden coffin. Faith blinked into the darkness, unsure if she truely wanted to go to the surface. She felt around for a weak point of the wood. When she found she gave a forcefull punch letting in a stream of dirt. From there she forced a larger hole into the wooden cage and shimmied her way up through the opening and the dirt. The ground above was soft and muddy. With great effort Faith pulled herself from her grave.

It was raining hard, as if crying from her return. She smiled. It felt like years since she's had water. Felt like years since she's even seen the world. She ran her fingers along the mud and up untill she hit stone. A headstone, her headstone. She traced the simple letters of her name and date of death. Nothing more than she expected, but still, it was kind of depressing. However, she did see something that suprised her greatly. A rose. What looked to be a black rose tied to an envalope. The young slayer took the soaked letter and carefully opened it.

Inside was a letter with badly smeared black ink. Faith could make out only a few words but that was all she needed. At the bottem remained the clearly written words _Love for all eternity, Buffy. _Faith was so confused. Surely someone was just playing tricks with her. No, everyone thought she was dead. Then what? It's real. Faith pocketed the letter and decided to ponder over it later.

She walked slowly through the graveyard, not knowing where to go or what to do. "FAITH!"

"Umf... Buffy?"

Atop her was the blonde beauty of her dreams, dressed in soft pink pajamas. She was crying.

"Oh God, Faith. I'm so so so sorry... please please let this be real." Buffy sobbed hard. "Is this real? Are you really here? Is this a dream?"

Faith struggled to understand what was going on. It all was happening so quick. Her reply was a slow whisper, "I'm wondering the same thing... but I think it's real, B."

"Are you an angel, Faith?" Buffy asked, not letting her slayer sister get up. The warmth was felt between both women but neither wanted to break away.

"No," Faith answered in the same whisper, finding Buffy's question ironic, "But you are." And with that the dark slayer gave in to the impulse to caress the woman she loved and kiss her with the passion of their dreams. She thought Buffy wouldn't respond or at least hesitate to at first. Suprisingly, Buffy was as eager as Faith and immediatly kissed back with equal passion and love.

It seemed as if the sweet and slow kiss would go on forever, but it had to end, with both slayers gasping for air. Faith's hands slipped down to her love's hips, which had some how, come to stradle her own. "So what now?" The question was simple, but like many others, it had no simple answer.

Buffy felt brave and comfortable on top of Faith. "So now we go find somewhere private where we can make love"

"No."

Buffy's face fell and immedeatly felt wounded and stupid. She went to get up but Faith's hands stopped her. The younger woman shook her head.

"Don't you get it?" Faith's voice shrunk to another whisper. Her eyes were gleaming with tears, "I love you, Buffy. I don't want sex with you. I just want whatever is supposed to come with love."

Buffy got up without Faith's arms holding her down. She did understand, some what. Faith was like a child and didn't understand love or what sex was ment for. Faith was a confused child and Buffy had to teach her. She helped up the mud covered slayer and held her hand. "I understand, Faith. Would you like to come home with me? Dawn's at a friend's house. No one will be there."

The chocolate eyes of Faith searched Buffy's green ones, looking for the intention. Then nodded. Holding hands, the two slayers walked home under the weeping sky. Together and inseparable.

**A/N: **Sorry! I know I took forever. But this chapter was SO hard to write. Thank you all so so much. I was nearly drowned in reviews ). Worth the wait? I really hope so but if not tell me and I'll rewrite it. You guys should know the drill by now. ty all.


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